Memoir Monday, August 4, 1967

Continuing with another week in Flagstaff. I guess it was a blessing that I knew little about events down in the valley even if I did worry. Had I known I would definitely have arranged NOT to go down for those three weeks. Yikes. No, that is not true. In the end it was very critical that I be there I am sure. At least for the sake of those seven horses and  maybe more

.July 31, 1967  Monday

Glad the weekend is over. It was literally a drag. I went window shopping on Saturday and spent most of the rest of the day reading a book by Kathleen Winsor, much juicer than Forever Amber. The letter from Mom on Saturday was not exactly conducive to peace of mind. I kept debating what, if anything, I should do and came up with no answer. Then I got this longing for Dusty which even a ten mile hike could not have cured.  The color analysis bit really bugs me. I am afraid the turquoise fits too well and it is rather disturbing because I really don't want to be that type of person. An aside-Tte only way that going to Dusty was a mistake is that now I want to be with him all the time and it drives me wild. I am almost driven to the street but the idea of any and everybody gives me the shudders and except for an occasional fantasy, I really don't want anyone else. And even with him, I freeze up when I don't even mean to. That's the narcissism probably or emotionally hot and physically frigid, What a mess!! (Note--it was mostly just companionship and contact,  not sex that I was needing.)

August 1, 1967 Tuesday

It is chilly today. I wore my blue peasant outfit to math and practically froze. so changed to my turquoise riders and striped seersucker shirt, During the break I worked on Pony of Fantasia. I started on it last night and rough finished it while ago. I think I'll send it to Linda and see if I can get her to do some illustrations. I might ever try it myself but doubt that I'd be satisfied with whatever I'd create. But I may try anyway. Watercolor wash with India Ink sketching would be best. Rough it in with pencil and then put the wash on and finally do the ink. I can see what I want but doing it is something else. Next I am going to start on Pony and the Dark Horse. I already have begun chapter 1. I think it could be almost as good as Cindy and possibly even more commercial. 

August 4, 1967 Friday

Another Friday. I doubt anyone will be up to get me byaut one never knows. Yesterday I turned back the rest of my ironing jobsand also got the monthly $5.00 from Mama Witt so I went on a small shopping spree. I bought another multi-skirt hanger, a door closet extender, some paper, a teasing comb, some pop tarts, and the August Western Horseman.  Then I did some more sorting and packing. Two weeks from today I've got to be moving out. I'll call two storage warehouses for comparison next week to find out how much it wil cost me. Maybe I'll go through my winter clothes another time today and I may buy another trunk at Sprouse Reitz.  They have some for $7.44 now. I should've waited a little. Maybe I'll get a metal suitcase instead, like Dusty's. I will go look at luggage Saturday morning. Colleen and I will probably go to the rodeo Saturday afternoon.  We didn't go to bed until 2:00 last night and I really thought I'd die trying to get up at 6:30. It took some wiil power!  I got 11/11 on my last math quiz. We're going into stats now so I shouldn't have a bit of trouble. I believe I might make a 1. That would give me only one 2 on my lower division Gen Ed and also only one on my major courses too. Hope so!!  This morning I've got to go to the library and study Econ. We have a 35 question test coming. 

Pictures? Like what??   Oh, about those two books I was working on! Two if my illustration efforts--it was a kiddie fantasy about a pitiful pony that inspired a frail princess to improve and live to help it. These were not what I hoped for but... And a clipping that inspired Pony and The Dark Horse which got lost in the following months and years and never has been completed. Probably OBE too long now.

    

Memoir Monday, July 28, 1967

For most of the last part of July and well into August, I did not go back down to the Verde. In most ways that was good.  I wrote almost daily, although a lot of it was drivel and hardly entertaining!  Anyway I covered most of this week from July 24 through the 28th. I will condense some of the rambles but try to cover anything of interest or significance. 

Monday, July 24 

Good morning. So far it looks like a pretty day in Flag. I came up on the bus last night. I don't do such a prosaic thing as commute between country and town or home and school . I move from life to life, from world to world. The bus is my time machine that takes me on that strange journey. When I got in,  Colleen was out . I took my time about getting cleaned up and finally turned in about 12:00. I did wash my hair but brushed it dry instead of rolling it. 

It's dinner time now and it rained this afternoon. I hope to tell you, it really rained. And we had an electric outage too.  I got my free record--Catrina Valente-- and my black riders which really fit.  They are already hemmed up and are super  sharp. They are more practical than purple and go with a lot of things to make neat outfits.  I guess tomorrow I'll have to go to town, rain or shine. No new ironing jobs. I hope I get some more. However I guess I can do without any extra work tonight. 

A note: with the water shut off, bathing in Clarkdale was hardly possible. I could stand it for two days or nights and did but it felt good to wash the dirt and sweat off! I was so fiercely disgusted with the folks for just squatting there as they were. It made no sense to me at all and I knew it was not going to end well. I dimly recall Charlie Mike had an altercation with Dad and got punched in the face, allegedly for 'sassing'. I could feel his rage and hate but he did not do anything right then. Still I knew it was not going to get better. It was amazing he stayed with them as long as he actually did. 

July 25, Tuesday

I found a book in the library on colors and personalities relative to certain colors. I had too many favorites so my analysis was confusing. I loved turquoise but that tended to be a fave of  narcissistic and really not the nicest people. Oh my! My other faves lilac, lavender and other purple shades were better . Well I also liked some pink and bits of red, clear light yellow and for neutrals black and white, maybe beige and dark navy blue, but not gray. Silly really but I got wrapped up in that for awhile. I was analyzing everyone!

July 26, Wednesday

I had a busy day planned and got an early start, doing a number of small tasks before going to Math and between it and Econ. I was already planning ahead on sorting and consolidating my stuff. I had way too much and I was thinking about storing it for the three weeks between the end of summer sessions and the start of the fall term. I  had already chosen the Mayflower warehouse as the best possibility. It was not far off campus, up near the railroad depots. I was still undecided about what I'd do for those three weeks. That would not be fun in Clarkdale for sure. (Little did I know! But no spoilers yet.) I kind of wanted to go to California and Uncle Dan had mentioned it. 

In a peeve, I said something not very nice! "If anything gripes me it is these moony couples to whom parting for an hour or two for class is a major tragedy. They cling to each other, gazing with mournful eyes and wait until the very last minute to part."  I had not seen Jim since April and Dusty since May! How these kids exist, I can't see. Either they'll get to where they couldn't stand each other or the partial intimacy would be impossible to bear.

I went shopping and bought two pairs of sandals and looked at the new offerings of jackets since cold weather would come sooner than one might wish. I picked a favorite but held off on the purchase. I also got a pink sleeveless shell that would go with my in-progress suit (it was light canvas weight fabric, white with roses printed on it.) It would also work with the new black bell bottom riders.  

July 27, Thursday

I chided myself for the silly habit of writing a little in my now loose-leaf journal notebook and then more on a page in my math folder. It had become a temporary habit. I was still uncertain about going down for the three weeks but at that point had heard almost nothing from the folks and was clueless. It was stressing me out and I was worried about what was going on, hearing nothing. I sensed the ledge they lingered on was crumbling away minute by minute which was close to the truth. ,

July 28, Friday

Damn, it is cold as a tomb in this accursed library this morning. After a long hour I am practically frozen. I was hunting for Vance Packard's books but only found one. I had an idea for a paper about him.  There was an econ test at 11:00 which I hoped I could zip through and go. I have head nothing from the Valley so did not know whether to expect they'd be up for me or not.  There was something about going to look at a place in Garland Prairie which I opined would be knee deep in mud after several heavy rains. (Probably another last chance bit of ranch hunt, and pointless as always.) I considered trying to talk Colleen into going somewhere on the weekend if I was staying, sharing gas and driving with her. I'm not sure where, now.  She was on and off with her boyfriend. I just realized she was not a summer student but a full time regular one also taking classes to speed it along as I was.  I also learned that Campbell would be the Honor Dorm and considered that good news since I was basically planning to be housed there in the fall and I did much prefer the north/east side of campus as being closer to town and just more my style.  Maybe I'll hear from Jim today, but I don't expect it. He is probably still in Tucson. I should get busy and do my Santa Fe report for econ and start the one on Vance Packard, called "The Latter Day Socrates" which I thought quite clever. It will be some kind of extra credit effort, I expect. I had to get out of the cold so started off to check the mail and then to the 11:00 class.  It was easier first session when they were back to back instead of at 7:30 and 11:00! And I did not go down to the valley after all. 

Photos?  Geez. I took none at that time and what applies? I'll just throw something in for eye candy I guess.  Hmm, how about that one? Just out of my collection of hero inspiration pix much later than 1967! Even a more a mature guy--which I always liked anyway!  Then Zhan in an old picture, before he was a big star on Dark Winds; this one inspired my hero in Rez Dogs and Scooter Trash, one of my JBS novellas. 

  

Memoir Monday July 21, 1967

This week was a mixture of a little momentous and a lot routine. This whole summer was a bumpy roller coaster for the most part and ended up spelling an end to several things, mainly my ties to the Verde Valley and the Morgan family "situation" by the end of the year. 

There were journal entries for  July 17 and July 21 plus a supplement on July 19and 20. It is much more coherent to go thru them chronologically and end with Friday July 21 which is the day this memoir section  is supposed to be for. So without further ado, 

July 17, 1967, Monday

Here I am all registered for a second session with everything paid off and all that. It was a wild weekend. I had helped Lynn move out on Friday afternoon after my finals. Then she decided to go to California so I put her on the train and kept her car. Train was late. It was neat waiting at the depot but I wished it was me going. So, for the whole time I had the car. It took me a little while to to get the feel of the automatic but it drives like a dream. Saturday I went to Outfit Alley but nothing was there so I then drove up to the Snowbowl. It is so beautiful up there. Sunday I drove out to Lake Mary and also the corrals where Dusty and I had been. 

My new roomie arrived. She is Coleen Ruark, kind of kookie --from California--but not bad. She has boyfriend troubles. Who doesn't? In the evening I watched TV and saw two westerns and part of two other movies. That way I was able to sleep. Friday evening I had cleaned the room and changed sides. This morning I got through registration so easy and and fast it was fantastic. Then I went shopping and got my iron and ironing board and a couple of other goodies. After lunch I napped and after supper I went and bought gas for the sweet chariot. Of course a little Lark won't be so hot but I'd be tickled to have a car come fall.* Classes start tomorrow. What a bash, I can't believe 7:30! But I'll make it.  I am going to try to earn back the price of the iron and board and then I want to save for a trip...and maybe some other things like a sewing machine. Coleen's asleep. She got drunk last night after she had a fight with her guy so she's been sick all day. Well, see you around, probably.  I'm trying to shake the blues but not having too much luck. I wish Dusty would call but I have to be patient. I just miss and want him so much. (*Note--Uncle was thinking of lending me a car but that never worked out.) 

July 19, Wednesday 

Second day of second session already. Where have the good times gone? I got up late this morning and have been running like hell ever since.  I just snatched a mad quick bite of breakfast and took off for math. That class really surprises me. I think I am going to like it. We're beginning on logic which is just fascinating. Tomorrow we will have our first daily quiz . In Econ I do not find Burglund as interesting as Anderson was but I still think I can make a 1 unless his tests are awfully tricky Yesterday I got a trunk or footlocker. I am sure it will be useful. I've got to put up some little ads and see if I can at least earn back the price of my iron and board.. Once they have paid for themselves perhaps I'll try for a sewing machine since Mary said she'd have a typewriter. I just wish Dusty would call. Of course he wasn't sure that he'd make it or when if he did go to Winslow. I can't get impatient but I do... 

July 20, Thursday

Here I sit in the library rather befuddled after 90 minutes of attempting to understand logic. I believe I am beginning to get the feel of it but I dare not get left behind or I'd never catch up. Got an unexpected letter from Jim yesterday. He is in Tucson now as both his parents are going in for operations. That is pretty tough. Also a note from Mom. She said Charlie Mike is working and the Boss will be up for me tomorrow. Lynn got back this morning. I was surprised and relieved that she was okay. She said she had a wonderful time and departed with her car. Mom said Grace and Ruth's house burned. I as really shocked. Hate to be paranoid but with Uncle Dan's feud with Wendell Robie and Dad fighting half the world, anything is possible. In a way I'll be glad to go down home but I fully expect to be miserably hot and one never knows what will happen. I just wish they'd get enough cash to bug out of that stinking pest hole.  There is No Use at all in staying as far as I can see. 

July 21, Friday

Friday again already and I guess I am going home. I'm also in business ironing So far I have made $2.50. My equipment cost me $17.00 so I have paid off 1/7th of it.  So far so good. If I can clear some profit I'll take nothing for my time because I would just be messing around. That $2.50 will presently buy my bus ticket back since I do not want to break my $10.00. Wonder if Charlie Mike will get to come up today. I don't think he has to work on Friday but he may have chores to do at home. I am glad he has a job and am sure he is too. If only Mom could get back to work... (fat chance) I hope Dusty does not call while I am gone but doubt he'd go to Winslow on a weekend. I wonder if AT&SF will take him back?  Sure have not got much mail lately. Nobody loves me anymore (tee hee) except Jim--but he might. Really and not really!

Pictures: The Flagstaff depot as it was in 1967. I might have parked Lynn's Chevy in that row of cars. Then La Posada which was both a famous Fred Harvey era hotel and later the AT&SF Headquarters for the Winslow Division.  This was a later photo, about 2015. It was still used by the BNSF for offices and admin work at that point. I know it is a hotel again now also.

Memoir Monday, July 14, 1967

July 14, 1967

Another fast week but I actually covered it better than I realized. Besides the normal journal entry I found a few pages not in the notebook, which I wrote at another time and then just stuck into the bundle . I used a second steno pad like the one I got when I began to keep a journal again after the 1966 summer blow-up and in it recorded Jan 3-July 21.  While at home I sometimes wrote on loose paper and stashed it in my purse or a folder; I did this in spare minutes elsewhere also. I covered July 12 and 14 some that way. 

First July 14, since that is the official day. It was Friday.

Ain't I got fun? This has been quite a day. Took my two exams this morning. The stat one was really a booger but I think I did okay.on the Econ. I then helped Lynn move all afternoon and   was in the midst of cleaning and rearranging the room when she burst in. She had decided to go to California after all. So I had to practice driving the Impala some. It took awhile to get used tot the brake and the automatic but otherwise, no sweat. I saw her off on ATSF #1 (San Fran Chief) which was 1 1/2 hours late and watched the Super Chief and El Cap through. Then I drove out to the airport road and back just for fun. I can't believe how neat! It is mine until Tuesday morning. I guess Monday I'll get some money which will help as I have to gas it up again but she was willing to let me drive it. I just can't afford to get caught without a license is all. That would be bad news, It is after 12:00. Guess I'd better get some shuteye. Jim's letter came today and I also heard from Laura. I have swapped sides of the room just for a change. I hate monotony!

Now back to the perhaps most significant day of the week. 

July 11, 1967, Tuesday

Summer session(s) are nearly half gone already.  The first five weeks ends this Friday. Roxie, Larry and Steve were there over the weekend with June Annette. She is a sweet little girl. I gave her two rides on Buzzie. There were no major fireworks for the two days. Surprise? Thankful!! I drove to Camp Verde Saturday morning and then delivered a subpoena to John McMillan on Sunday. The folks brought me back to Flag Sunday evening. I'm hoping to stay up this next weekend. Lynn will be leaving and I will probably have a new roommate. Exams are Friday. I think I'll make a 1 in Econ and hope for a 2 in Stats if I am lucky.  I think I'll call Jim tonight. May also call the CofC and find when the Appy Show is, if possible. Then I'll call Dusty over the weekend. Make it person to person on Sunday and hope maybe I can catch him though it is very iffy. Doubtful on an old phone number.

It rained cats and dogs yesterday. I find that terribly depressing but one has to learn to endure all sorts of things. Roxie gave me $5.00 and I got $5.00 from Mama Witt so maybe I'll go shopping in the PM today. Generally that will raise my spirits out of the dumps for awhile.  Looks like since 1965 that summer is a lonely time. Last summer sure was. I hope Dusty is not sick but I wouldn't be  surprised if he is.  I cannot forget and mark him off although I almost try sometimes. At times I may go part way but it won't work, We have been too close. I swear it really almost seems like I have been married and now divorced. Roxie tells me to have fun and catch a good husband. That's what everyone says. They'd all be awfully mad of I did marry Dusty wouldn't they?  They might approve of Jim. As for Forester Ray, I am not sure. But that is not for real anyway. I'll just drift until some old lecher decides he likes my looks or something. God, what an attitude to have. But I really do not feel I am mistress of my fate. 

Later, after 10:00 p.m.  Guess who I just talked to on the phone about an hour ago!!. It sure does not pay to give up on that man, does it? He is working as a carpenter at a mine near Kingman and living out there in a camper. He said he might be over this way sometime this summer going to Winslow for another investigation and hearing. I guess they may take him back in awhile.  At least he is well, has a job and has not forgotten me. It is just not easy to get to town and a phone. But he called, he really did. Sure,  I am crazy to be elated but I am, anyway. Yes, I do love him. 

 On July 12 I wrote mostly about Dusty and the phone call. That was a very high point in the mostly rather meh summer. I did go shopping at Sprouse Reitz to get the rest of the fabric I had earlier found a remnant of as I had plans to make a multi-piece outfit with it. I was also considering buying an ironing board and possibly doing some for hire to pay for it. I also expected my next roommate to be showing up in any day. I also decided to go ahead and call Jim and chatted with him for awhile. He was staying at the high school, I think, maybe a kind of caretaker? Also getting up very early for some reason. I'm not sure what he was doing.

Explaining needed? Not much. June Annette was my Uncle Dan's eldest. She was about ten at that time.  I have no idea how John McMillan was involved in the ongoing Morgan madness; I do not want to know!  CofC was Chamber of Commerce and of course would have a schedule of special events around Flagstaff.  I have to laugh now at that 'catch a good husband' advice. That was still so prevalent! Actually the main reason for many girls to go to college?!  Nobody was very liberated yet. It grated on me a bit even then as that was not my main goal. An MRS was not a degree I sought. And so far few had impressed me as potentially worth the effort.The Laura I mentioned was an old pen pal I had almost quit writing.  Sadly at this point I did not know how long it would be before I was to speak to Dusty again. So many things did not go our way so we lost track of each other for months. Talk about star crossed lovers; some things seem to be ...fate? karma? just DTBL?  I still felt there would be other places and times and I do even to this day.  I know what I believe

Two photos,  one old, really both are. Dusty and me as I tried to remember us through some lonely times and Lynn's nice car. It was a Chevy Impala and probably no more than a year old. I was looking forward to getting my own--someday. That took three years more.

Memoir Monday, July 7, 19667

 As I said last week, this was a period that did not get much recording,. In fact, there is only one entry in the journal between  June 26 and July 11.  It is fairly long and covers quite a bit of territory so that will have to do,. My memory supplies almost nothing in addition, so what is there is what we share. .

July 6, 1967

Where did the good times go?  Last week was just okay, neither good nor bad. Friday I went home. It was a wild 'vacation'. I do believe the first week of July is dangerous for us. Last year I sported a black eye. This year we got into a tussle with Bazok on the 1st. He moved to Payson the next day.Then the Boss got arrested on the 3rd for 'assault with a deadly weapon' involving a halfwit named Grady Glover. Looking back it really seemed unreal.  Today was the preliminary hearing before JP Murray with Kemp Williamson attorney for the state. Being a key witness, I got the once over, almost like on Perry Mason but I must have done okay because His Honor (no sneer intended) presented an opinion of no probable cause. The Boss had to return to Prescott to officially sign out of jail and I left before he returned. The hearing lasted from 2:00 until 6:30. I just floated in a fog of exhaustion up the fifty mile route on the bus. My old "grandpa" Louie was the driver and he let me off at the south gate. Lynn was out so I showered and fell into bed.

It seems like Monday now,  but no, it's Thursday--all day today. Roxie and the boys are due over the weekend so I guess I shall go down and see them. I am so tired. Don't guess I slept a total of 24 hours in five nights. But now I've got a week's studying to do in a day and a half so I can't loaf much. If I am too exhausted I may take a nap after lunch but I have to spend  the evening at the library.  I hardly rode a bit, only bareback to the river but I got several sewing projects done. My turquoise shirt came out really nifty and the skirt/chaleco outfit is neat too. I have to go and get an absence excuse from the Dean's office directly and proceed to classes. I should have loads of mail anyway.

All that is confusing without any explaining,I expect. It even seems muddled to me! So let me fill in what I can. I mention the black eye which now  supplies a basic date for the final chapter of abuse that I spoke of last summer, the time where I 'sassed" and was hit in the face and knocked across the kitchen. So that was between July 1-3 in 1966. Hmm.  Who in the blazes Bazok was I have not a faint clue. Then name rings no bell and may have been a nickname or a intentional misspelling?  And I honestly do not really remember the other incident at all. I think I just erased that part of my mental tape. I suspect some confrontation, probably out at the pasture--no as we had no stock there anymore so where?  I am sure a threat or two was made but nobody got shot at or even close. Of that I am sure, and I think I did  testify absolute truth on that so the case was dismissed.  Roxie was my aunt, the sister just younger than Dad, and the boys were my cousins, Larry and Steve Tackett. As I said last week, the water was shut off and Charlie Mike and I took the horses to the river to drink. I slightly recall the clothes I mentioned making. They are long gone and I don'tthink I even have any scraps of that fabric. I got the missed assignments caught up and made any lost progress up in the two classes, so all ended well there.This would have been about the third week of the five week summer session.  I ended up getting A or 1 in both the Stats and Econ 1 classes. a nice surprise!

Photos??   The Old Jail in Cottonwood. I think the JP court was held there at this time. Next two views of the river bottom to show how it changed from about 1959 to 2021! When we watered the horses there in 1967 it was much closer to the 1959 view. The last is just a train near Kingman--not relevant and added in error. Does not want to delete!

Memoir Monday, Jun 30, 1967

 Little to reconstruct from as I wrote nothing for a week or more about this point.. There were a few events or non-events that I alluded to after the long holiday weekend. I will try to unravel that. The one page I wrote follows. It was on Monday, June 26.

By the time the weekend rolled around, and the Independence Day holiday was coming up, I think I was not enthused to go back and that weekend stretched with an extra day. For several I wrote not at all. That will pick up with the next week's, I guess, since that Friday would be July 7. 

Monday, June 26, 1967. 

Monday again. It wasn't a bad weekend at home. Saturday I got to drive all the way to Camp Verde and back. I do like driving. Didn't ride much. It was miserably hot and the cooler is on the blink.  Last night I came back up on the bus. Mama Witt had been trying too call so I called her. I'd been surprised to see a message in my box.  I reassured her, I think,. At least I tried. I am not sure what Mom had been writing in recent weeks. But probably not very cheerful!

Now I've already changed the sheets and done my washing, Lynn and I went to breakfast this morning, not a real usual thing. I'm ready to go off to classes in about half an hour. It's hard to write anymore --not much happens. At least now I don't have to worry so much. For now, the madness of last week has calmed down. Gotta go home again next weekend but meanwhile I'll just sit back and relax through this week.  Have to run a bunch of errands today after lunch so may go to the library to study tonight. May, that is. Now if only Dusty would call, I'd feel nearly okay about almost everything. But he could be anywhere, like flat on his back in a hospital with asthma like this time last year.  Darn, I should not worry so, but I do...

A few minor explains: The cooler was a window one-room air conditioning unit that was in the living room at Clarkdale. Mostly Dad worked in there on his legal and paper stuff,  so  Charlie Mike and I both avoided it most of the time. We'd rather sweat than get any of those  lectures! I am pretty sure the water was shut off at this time so we would take the seven  horses to the river to drink, often twice a day. .Luckily Buzzie and Leo were gentle and reliable now and we did not even have to saddle up. The others led well enough also. One of us would ride Leo and lead Chief and maybe one of the mares or fillies if they were clearly not in season.  The other on Buzzie would have a handful of  three on lead.There was one young donkey too; not sure what we did for him.  As to driving to Camp Verde, not sure why. Maybe to get feed or groceries rather than shop in local store.  Maybe had too big a bill at the Clarkdale or Cottonwood store and did not want a hassle about that being paid? Things were so haywire at this point. How in any holy name did the Old Man think he could go on existing that way? There is no answer except he was truly detached from all reality.I was so grateful to have a place to go and get away from it. I felt so sorry for Charlie Mike and even Alex, for he was now old enough to see how effed up things were.

Pictures are scare!. Flagstaff was lovely in the summer and that was a bright spot in my weeks there in 1967. I enjoyed it every year  from 1967, 1968, 1969 and half of 1970. I wish I had more photos, many were lost when my hard drive died in 2018. We have never been able to get any of it reclaimed. Two views were probably out near Lake Mary and one at the snow bowl  ski area and summer hiking region on the San Francisco Peaks. That was roommate Lynn's Chevy Nova--nice car!

  

 

Memoir Monday, June 23, 1967

 So another week slides by, too easy, too fast and it feels like more of the same dull beads slipping along a a cord, a rosary of my days. What stations do they pass? What prayers or offerings are needed? Looking back so very far it feels strange, almost unreal. This week back then I actually wrote a page on two days, Monday, June 19 and Friday, June 23. This post is for the 23rd but I will put them in chronological order to save any extra explanations or repetitions. Let's time travel. 

Monday June 19, 1967

I may as well leave off trying to keep a diary or journal. The days are mostly routine with minor joys and sorrows and an occasional accomplishment. Today I got a $50 check and a nice letter from Uncle Dan. I put half of it in my account, paid off my record bill, and kept the remainder. I made a 1 on my first Econ test. The first in Stats tomorrow. It was a dull, lonely weekend as Lynn took off and I was all alone. Still no word from Dusty. Will I ever? Maybe I will get a letter from Jim tomorrow. That is a poor second  best but I want to do something besides make 1s and dream about Prince Charming.  I'm coming down with a bad case of the blues--better snap out of it, girl. Everything is too easy. I should go look for a job. I am really an awful coward...

Friday, June 23, 1967

Summer--three days old now.It feels like summer, too, except for the wind. I feel sick as a dog. Too many worries plus two cups of coffee on an almost empty stomach. It was sure not considerate of the Boss to say he'd come by and tell me what all had happened and then to disappear without a word. especially after telling me all those gruesome tales. I sure had a doozy of a nightmare last night. We were tangling with a bunch of the local 'enemies'.* I sassed them some and started to leave and this Chinese guy threw a silver wedge/ax/ knife/star at me. The device settled in my head, right at the temple. I kept thinking they would catch me but they didn't. Somehow I staggered up to Jerome and banged on Jimmy Mac's door. I collapsed at his feet when he opened it. I had blood crusted in my hair and on my face. He said he'd take me to the  hospital and I screamed. "No! No,they will kill  me! Take me over to Prescott." I wanted to go to Whipple but of course couldn't so chose the County Hospital instead.  That was about the end. Geez, I mean it was gnarly. Lynn said she didn't sleep well either.  I don't think I was yelling...  Of course I am worried about Dusty, too. I'm not even sure he found the numbers but he must have since I am positive he was there that Tuesday to get part of his stuff.  But I really do wish I knew how and where he is. I'd like to call but don't know where or what I'd say depending on who might answer. 

A kind of diatribe follows; read at your discretion. 

*As to those "enemies",  they were named in the original narrative. I have not done so here out of respect for younger generations who were generally not responsible.  First I freely acknowledge that my male parent was an unmitigated asshat  and  brought a great deal of the issues on himself. However, I have to say in his behalf that he was an extreme narcissist but also had severe mental illness such as delusions of many kinds, major paranoia and possibly others.  I think he often felt he was literally fighting for his life, and acted that way. This fact was established in court that fall on another issue. While none of that excuses much he did, it was a proximate cause and verified fact. 

My major issue with those now unnamed people is how they were not abashed, actually almost seemed delighted to go after me and my brother without mercy and did so. I was a legal adult, thus not free of blame, although the psychology of enmeshed families was not well understood then so I might plead some immunity in that circumstance.  However,  Charlie Mike was **fifteen** at this time, legally a minor and thus a 'child' under the law. The abuse and hatefulness he was subjected to is inexcusable IMO. I cannot forgive it or those who did it. That level of abusive meanness was totally uncalled for. A few did step in and try to help him, one especially being Tom Henry, then a teacher as Mingus. I honor him for his decency and humanity, even while under political pressure of the school board which included some of those most bent on "getting even." Charlie Mike never forgot him and I did not either.  May he rest now in well-earned peace. 

Even after the whole family was out of the state, an effort was made to subpoena and drag me back from Flagstaff. I suspect the instigator wanted to seize the few horses I had taken charge of and was finding good homes for so I could realize no benefit from them. That was personal and I am still angry. I believe Dr McDonald intervened and quashed that effort. I was never arrested or brought to court. I did rehome them and got a half-penny on the dollar of their true value but it was far more important to me to see them in good  trustworthy homes which I did.  I still damn the greed and hate that drove such an ill-intended effort.  I will not forget, not ever.  Make of all this what you will.  At least it may explain some of my fierce aversion to the current political situation which has given me recurring to almost constant PTSD. 

Photos: All a few years earlier but just to remind myself and my readers about how we lived and what our lives were like when a group of adults who were mad at our father decided we were as guilty if not more.  We obviously really needed to be "put in our place",  no? Who was I, a toxic, trashy Morgan,  to be highest in my class and actually go to college? And who was Charlie Mike to even exist in the same world they and their offspring  did?  I try not to be bitter since it is all far in the past. I do not always succeed however.